If you’re a foreigner and you’re already dating a Filipina or probably on the verge of dating one, you should know about the word “tampo” or you will probably learn about it sooner or later. It’s the dreaded resentment. The biggest unknown for most men.
Tampo is a Filipino word that has no direct English equivalent. Though, some signs of it may refer to sulking or pouting, it does have a unique Filipino twist in it. It is a very common Filipino behavior but is frequently manifested among Filipino women.
It is often characterized by a withdrawal of loving or cheery behavior for a variety of reasons but usually only when a woman’s feelings are hurt and offended.
Some of its common demonstration are as follows:
Showing no expressions of affection
Being unusually quiet and resisting communication
Assuring that everything is okay but her actions are showing otherwise
Resisting all attempts to fix the problem
Exhibiting indirect aggression (e.g slamming of doors or things around her)
A lot of foreign men may not be able to understand the concept of “tampo” and it may have a negative connotation especially that it can be bizarre in the Western dating culture. For some men, it may even cause confusion and misery especially when you don’t know what is going on.
Showing this kind of attitude with no direct communication is sometimes seen as an immature way of handling conflict. This is something most Westerners can’t tolerate and they may have no patience dealing with it.
However, it is best to understand that “tampo” is not just mere sulking.
While the abovementioned manifestations may indeed sound like sulking or extreme resentment towards the person on the receiving end, there is an underlying cultural reason behind it that could help other people better understand this common Filipino behavior.
In fact, the tampo culture may even highlight a positive Filipino trait that can overshadow its negative connotations.
With everything said above, there is no question that if you’re the man in the relationship, you need to tread carefully on your next steps when your Filipina girlfriend is on tampo mode.
Here are some safe steps you can follow to cool down the situation.
This goes without saying that you need to suck it up despite how many times she will try to reject you. There’s actually a Filipino word for it and it’s called “lambing.” It’s catering to her whims or doing acts of service even without her asking in hopes of patching things up.
It’s the first thing that men should do when such a case arises. Start gently. She will resist but she won’t tell you directly that she actually likes what you are doing. Be persistent and her heart will melt in no time.
After the buttering up stage and when she’s already calmed down, you can try and approach her to ask what is wrong. Let her open up at her own pace and time on why she felt and acted in a certain way. Again, Filipinas are non-confrontational so you need to let her feel that you are giving her the chance to talk and that you’re more than willing to listen.
Once she has talked her feelings out, you also need to share your own thoughts gently. Let her understand in a soft manner that had she simply explained it to you what she felt instead of showing up with an attitude, it may not have caused a fight or hurt her feelings unnecessarily.
Tampo can happen for any and all reasons. Apologize when it’s necessary and you can also come up with a thoughtful gift or note. You should be able to explain to her why you acted in a way that offended her feelings as well as what you plan to do to make things right.
We know that a conflict is not totally resolved once you’ve made an action plan as a guide when such a situation comes up again. Compromises need to be worked on and done so that the issue at hand won’t blow to something bigger in the future.
The key to a healthy relationship is by working through your differences through a mutual concession, while still having your own identities. Just stick to what you’ve agreed on and be as consistent as you can.
Romantic relationships are never easy, much more so when you’re diving into cross-cultural relationships as it may add to the never-ending layer of misunderstandings and differences.
In all relationships, the key question is to what extent each party is ready to compromise in order to make things work and maintain harmony in the partnership.
The tampo behavior may remain a mystery to the world but it’s one of the many endearing Filipino women characteristics. It’s a temporary meltdown and does not necessitate that she doesn’t love you anymore. It’s easy to think that the act of “tampo” is used by most Filipino women to emotionally manipulate men, but when you look at it in a deeper sense, you would understand that all they want is to be understood in the context of mental and emotional affirmation.
Even with the tampo attitude, Filipino women are still one of the most sought-after girls to date by many foreigners. With their natural beauty, gentle disposition, and demure personalities, it is not hard to fall in love with them.
If you haven’t been in a relationship with one or not even talking to a Filipina right now, then you’re missing out a lot.
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