We’ve all fixated on something (or someone) at some point. It can be a fictional character or a real person.
Some grow out of them, while others remain stuck. If you’ve known or seen someone fall under the latter, they may be playing or are the subject of a parasocial game.
And no, we’re not talking about video games here. There may be a Japanese horror game called Parasocial. But that isn’t the subject of this entry, even if it showcases the worst-case scenario of a parasocial relationship.
We’ll talk about this mind game and how dangerous it can get for you. So whether you’re in the thick of it or simply dipping your toes, you can stop before you wreck yourself.
How does someone get into a parasocial relationship?
It happens because they feel connected to their fixations, which stems from their unlimited access to the Internet. The more exposure they have, the more hooked and invested they become.
Social media and other channels grant 24-hour previews of people’s lives, paving the way for fixation. Left unchecked, you’re more likely to act on your worst impulses. And you don’t want that. The last thing you want is a stalking charge on your rap sheet.
Parasocial relationships are different from admiration. It goes just beyond following people and engaging with their content. It takes commitment to keep up with them. As this attachment drags on, you might begin to believe the people you admire are your friends. That one-sided intimacy can get dangerous.
Parasocial relationships aren’t an anomaly. Human as we are, we constantly crave connection. We want to relate to other people.
You can’t exactly view this type of relationship through a black-and-white lens. Instead, consider this a preview of how it can affect your mental health.
On one end, this relationship can inspire you to live the life you want. You see someone’s achievements and what it took to get there. You may not have similar goals. But they can make you want to follow their dedication and hard work.
Another benefit is that you gain safe spaces. Since parasociality is often one-sided, there’s only a minimal risk of rejection. And with that, you can freely express your emotions; you don’t have to deal with someone shutting them down.
In addition, parasocial relationships can, in a way, boost your confidence. A 2017 study published in Frontiers in Psychology states that these connections allow you to interact and connect with like-minded folks. Your experiences will help you make more sense of the world, approaching life with more pep in your step.
There’s no denying the upsides. But then again, the risks are much greater than the former.
You can lose sight of reality, especially if you have little to no self-awareness in the first place. Interactions become more than what they truly are.
Do you remember Craigslist? Some of you may have used Craigslist in the Philippines back in the day. Let’s use the dead platform as an example here.
You see someone on a Philippine Craigslist ad. You catch feelings almost immediately and scramble to connect with them. Although they respond, they don’t give out anything substantial. You take and inflate that, making a misinterpretation.
Another downside is isolation. The hyperfixation can consume you so deeply that you shut everything and everyone else out. It’s like a kid looking at a shiny new toy and forgetting the ones they already have. Think about the ones on the receiving end of someone in that fixation; it sucks.
And lastly, parasocial relationships can leave you in a financial pinch. You know you’re in a bad place when your pockets always run dry because of them. Spending huge chunks of money on a parasocial partner is a deep hole to climb out of.
If you’ve already clocked the toxicity of your parasocial relationship, you’ve already got step #1 down. But stopping your parasocial desires is, like many things, easier said than done. The visibility of your person of affection makes that part difficult.
So, how can you end this parasocial game?
The more you see your parasocial partners, the harder it is to move on from them. Don’t prolong your misery by exposing yourself to them—even on the internet.
If you follow them on social media, don’t drag things on any longer. Unfriend, unfollow, or block them. Delete your conversation history on your phone. You don’t need things that can take you on a nostalgic field trip. And whenever you feel the need to go back, reaffirm your boundaries. Putting your foot down and saying “no” isn’t easy, but you should get to that point.
If you’re up for it, you can do a social media detox. Is it extreme? Yes. But fortunately, that’s up to you.
You can decide how long you can go on this break. Take your pick from days, weeks, months, or even years. You’re in the driver’s seat here.
If the internet’s causing your misery, you can always walk away. And it’s your choice to come back to it too.
Reaching out to professionals isn’t shameful. You’ll even be doing yourself a favor. Therapists and counselors are unbiased experts who can guide you as you process your emotions. Their insights will help you get to the bottom of your hyperfixation and weed out other problems that may hinder your healing.
Parasocial relationships are one-sided, but mourning them is still valid. You are allowed to feel sad and lost about all of it. You invested and got nothing in return. You’re entitled to grieve before you pick up the pieces.
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In the introduction, we mentioned that there’s a game called Parasocial. It follows the life of a female live streamer as she tries to deal with her male stalker (who turns out to be her ex).
The good ending of this game is that the main character successfully escapes her stalker, and the police arrest him.
You don’t want to be like him and get caught up in a parasocial game. Remove yourself from the equation while you still can. You have a life to live, and you’ll find someone who’ll meet you halfway.
Reference
Gleason, Tracy, Sally Theran, and Emily Newberg. 2017. “Parasocial Interactions and Relationships in Early Adolescence.” Frontiers in Psychology 8:255. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00255.
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