How to Take Space in a Relationship without Breaking Up

I need time to think. I need some space.

Do these lines seem familiar to you? Have you ever said those yourself? Or have you experienced being on the receiving end?

Regardless, space can be scary. Many view it as a precursor to the end of a relationship.

But as risky and threatening as they may seem, sometimes asking for space can save a relationship and make it better.

As a matter of fact, couples should learn how to take space in a relationship without breaking up.

Does Giving Someone Space Mean Breaking Up?

Couples don’t need to be attached to the hip. People think that space signifies that their relationship is falling apart when, in reality, it’s not.

Let’s clarify the meaning of giving someone space.

1. When you ask for space, you still want your partner around.

There’s a difference between wanting time alone and removing your partner from your life. So, if your partner needs space, it isn’t a slight against you. They just want to clear their head.

2. You want to break an unhealthy pattern.

Many couples tend to fall into unhealthy patterns and habits as their relationships progress. Giving each other space allows you to assess, realize, and identify how toxic these patterns are, inspiring you to do better.

3. You’re avoiding further damage to your relationship.

Spending time with our partners can feel suffocating when overdone. Do they unceasingly text you? Do they insist on non-stop quality time on specific days of the week? If you’re facing similar dilemmas, you may need some distance before your relationship gets too cramped.

Why Do Men Need Space?

The first step to a healthy break is understanding why it’s necessary. Many people don’t get this; therefore, they can’t tell the difference between needing space and wanting a breakup.

Let’s learn the value of breaks so you can determine whether a future break becomes a healing period or a death knell for your relationship.

Let’s begin with the man in the relationship. Because men tend to be less open and expressive compared to women, people may misinterpret the way they handle stress and negative emotions as disinterest in the relationship.

So when a man says he needs to focus on himself, don’t assume the worst that could happen.

Men need space for many reasons. First, they’re just as vulnerable and susceptible to stress as women are. A Forbes Health report stated that 51% of men aged 18 to 34 feel overwhelmingly stressed most days compared to 48% of men aged 35 to 44.

Sure, people often label men as the “rock” in relationships; they’re supposedly unemotional and logical.

However, logic doesn’t always win out, especially in stressful situations. Many men tend to bottle up their emotions and stresses, so they need space to allow them to disperse.

Second, they may feel their relationships are moving too fast. Don’t get this wrong. In most situations, men who think this way do love their partners! However, they fear they’re slowly losing themselves in their relationships.

Sometimes, distance allows them to process their problems properly. Be a supportive partner and give him space when he’s stressed.

All he needs is a little bit of time to destress. Don’t worry—it’s not like you need to give him weeks or months. A few hours or days will do.

Why Do Women Need Space?

The same Forbes Health report also mentioned that younger women are more likely to feel overwhelmed by stress than older women. 62% of the surveyed women aged 18 to 34 and 48% of women aged 35 to 44 shared that stress overwhelmed them most days.

With that statistic, it’s safe to say women need just as much space as men do.

One, they want to relieve themselves from feeling suffocated. And by that, they don’t mean you’re putting them in a chokehold. Instead, your relationship is making her feel caged.

Another reason is that they’re at a crossroads with their feelings. Their emotions confuse them, leading them to second-guess the relationship. And with that, they need some separation to figure themselves out.

Other Important Reasons to Take a Break in a Relationship

We’ve established that breaks can lead to a better relationship when done with great care and sensitivity. If you begin to see cracks in your relationship and notice the following signs, consider that a healthy break should be in order.

1. One or both of you have become too clingy.

Many individuals in relationships may not be aware that they have become too clingy. It’s not an anomaly. We are a species that craves closeness and intimacy!

However, you may not realize you're making your relationship suffocating.

In some cases, clinginess stems from insecurity. The stronger the insecurity and emotional baggage, the more you want to keep your partner close.

Creating a healthy separation is an acceptable response. You two don’t need to be together all the time to prove your love.

2. You are hounded by personal issues.

You may have personal problems that require your full attention. You may have issues that are so overwhelming that they cause stress to seep into every aspect of your life.

You end up shutting yourself out from everyone because you don’t want to look weak or become a potential burden, especially to your partner.

While you may need your partner’s help to overcome your own struggles, taking time off is acceptable. Just don’t leave without saying a word to your partner. Explain that this is temporary and that you need to solve your problems yourself.

Keep them in the loop by telling them your whole story and why you need some distance. But assure them that, at the end of the tunnel, better days await with them in the picture.

3. You fight too frequently.

Are your misunderstandings and fights becoming too frequent? If so, learn how to take space in a relationship without breaking up. The possibility of an irreparable partnership will loom further if you let your issues linger.

Step back and assess your situation rather than constantly spatting. Space allows you to figure out your issues’ roots without the screaming matches.

4. You are having doubts about your relationship.

There’s no telling when doubts arise. Sometimes, they happen a few months after you become a couple or creep into your long and established relationship.

Your partner admitting their doubts to you may hurt your self-esteem, but some people need more time to figure out their thoughts. Some folks in long-term relationships also go through this, especially when the relationship grows stale and feels directionless.

As much as this hurts, don’t let pessimism consume you. Set your feelings aside for a while and be objective. Your partner may ask you for space, but that doesn’t mean they no longer love you.

Does Space Help a Broken Relationship?

Experts often recommend taking space to build healthy relationships. But what if your relationship is a few mistakes away from a permanent end?

For many therapists, space is a logical solution. It’s more productive than fighting each other all the time when together. The constant stress and conflict can lead to what Dr. Sarah Rattray calls a “fight, flight, or freeze” response.

In a Bustle piece, Dr. Rattray says fight-or-flight states make resolutions seem impossible. Our bodies perceive all the stress that comes with your arguments as “danger,” making day-to-day functions seem more difficult.

And with that, some separation provides a remedy. While it won’t eliminate all problems, it will calm you both down. This allows for clearer thinking, which can result in better decision-making.

How to Ask for Space in a Relationship the Right Way

Do you value your partner, your shared experiences, and your bond? Learn how to ask for space in a relationship without breaking up with your partner.

Asking for some space can be extremely tricky, and using the wrong approach can spark an argument. What do you say to the other person? How do you break the news?

If you don’t know how to give someone space without losing them, these pointers should help:

1. Determine your reasons.

Why do you need space in the first place? Make sure your reason answers your needs. If your issue violates a non-negotiable, perhaps a breakup is a more fitting solution.

2. Talk about it in person.

Unless your physical distance poses a problem, don’t be a coward and have discussions over the phone. You and your partner should pay attention to each other’s body language.

3. Establish rules.

How much do you plan on communicating with each other? Will you date other people as your break happens? You’ll need to answer these questions to set ground rules for regularity.

4. Make the most out of your space.

Do some soul-searching during your free time. Pick up new hobbies and return to the old ones you’ve been missing. Catch up with loved ones you haven’t seen in a while. Whatever you do, the point is to know yourself better before returning to your partner.

A little bit of space is normal and healthy in relationships. Whether that happens by circumstance or design, know your limits as a couple and approach the need to take space with great sensitivity and empathy for each other.

Knowing how to take space in a relationship without breaking up will help you and your partner become a better tandem in the long run. The sooner you realize this, the stronger you’ll become.