How to Deal With Infidelity in a Relationship

So you met a special someone. This person came into your life during your most fragile moments. Emotions blossomed, and a connection formed. You envisioned a shared future—life as a family with two or three children. But your world was shattered when you witnessed them intimate with another person. The relationship ended. You’re left devastated and unable to move forward.

Now, you’re wondering how to deal with infidelity. Is it even possible to overcome it in the first place?

Cheating is the ultimate betrayal and relationship killer. For many, it's an absolute deal-breaker. It's a circumstance no one desires to encounter. It's infuriating, devastating, and disheartening. It makes you question your worth. Undoubtedly, it ranks among the most despicable actions one can commit.

In her 2017 article in The Atlantic, Esther Perel, a psychotherapist and sexuality expert, stated that adultery is as old as marriage and that it has persisted throughout history. She also explained that it could happen even in a seemingly happy relationship. What could this mean? It could mean that cheating is common even among seemingly happy married couples, but it should not be acceptable or justified.

And yet, many people who have been cheated on still choose to remain in the relationship. However, the same issue occurs. Understandably, not many know how to deal with infidelity in a relationship.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but there are effective ways to cope with being cheated on.

But before all that, you do want to be certain that your partner cheated on you.

Tips to Catch a Cheater

Let’s say you catch your partner checking their ex’s Facebook account. Is that an indicator of something much worse? Keep in mind that cheating comes in many forms beyond the physical. Your partner may have an affair, either personally or over the phone.

You may be a victim of cheating, and you don’t know it yet. Or you are suspicious of your partner, and the mental stress is killing you. You want to be sure before dealing with thoughts of infidelity.

The Mail Online reveals various ways to catch a cheater, as suggested by Philip Adcock, a body language expert. Observe your partner’s actions. If you see signs of cheating, address the issues in your relationship.

1. Look into their eyes.

As people say, “Eyes are the windows to our soul,” and they’re right. A person who is hiding something from you will avoid prolonged eye contact. They aren’t comfortable with you staring at them. They’re afraid that you might catch them lying.

2. Watch their reaction when you try to touch their phone.

Although there are couples who value their privacy, watch for an overreaction if you try to take a peek at your partner’s phone. If they become hostile, there’s a possibility that they may be hiding something. An honest person will not be worried about a simple sneak peek at their phone.

3. Focus on their breathing.

When a person lies, you'll notice a change in their breathing patterns. Their breathing may go faster or slower than usual.

4. Watch their gestures while talking.

A person’s gestures are a telltale sign of how they feel. A person lying to you will cross their arms to protect themselves. They’ll also have fidgety fingers and distinctive hand movements, which can be signs that they are nervous and faking.

5. Trust your gut.

If you have a gut feeling that your partner is cheating on you, remember that your intuition is valid. Your brain is telling you there may be something wrong. However, don’t always make decisions based on gut feelings. Seek confirmation through other means. Make sure to express your feelings to your partner instead of making abrupt decisions.

How to Deal With Infidelity in 5 Ways

Cheating, especially in a marriage, can negatively impact your mental well-being.

A research study on the effects of infidelity on married couples found that cheating causes depression, anxiety, and PTSD. In some cases, people experience decreased self-esteem and attachment issues (Sly 2021).

That said, dealing with this issue is a complex and personal process, more so if you’re dealing with repeated infidelity. But consider the following strategies to help alleviate its effects:

1. Acknowledge and process your emotions.

Give yourself some time to process your thoughts and feelings. It’s important to acknowledge and validate your emotions. Part of your journey toward healing is to pour out your anger, sadness, or fear after betrayal. You need an emotional release to start healing.

2. Engage in open communication with your partner.

It’s difficult, but it’s needed. It’s crucial to communicate openly with your partner to discuss things that led to their infidelity, especially if you decide to keep the relationship. It’s also a way to figure out what possible avenues there are to rebuild trust. Moreover, communication allows them to help you, especially in dealing with infidelity triggers.

3. Establish boundaries.

Many things will change in your relationship. Trust has been broken, so you will need to set boundaries to regain it.

Boundaries help you deal with triggers from infidelity. Let your partner know what is acceptable and what is not in the relationship moving forward. Set your expectations and needs to gain constant reassurance.

4. Allow yourself to heal.

Accept that it takes time to move on. It may take weeks, months, or even years. Don’t put a deadline on moving on from your pain. Focus on yourself and do things that will improve your mental health. Remember, it’s not your fault that your partner cheated.

If you stay and think the relationship is toxic beyond repair, do not hesitate to end it for your sake.

5. Consider professional help.

The emotional effect of infidelity can have an impact on not only you but also your loved ones. If the effect is unbearable, it’s time to seek help from an expert. Go to a therapist who can provide professional advice about your situation. They can offer you expert insights into specific challenges, such as how to deal with anger after infidelity, how to deal with intrusive thoughts after infidelity, and how to rekindle intimacy with your partner, among others.

Final Thoughts

Can you call it cheating if you think about someone else while you’re with your partner? Would you still stay in a relationship and give your partner a second chance if you caught them cheating? If you've got this far, these may be only some of the questions running through your mind. It’s completely normal because you want clarity in your relationship.

But if you have that gut feeling that your partner is cheating, confront them. Trust, respect, and love are the pillars of a healthy relationship. If one is compromised, decide if the relationship is still worth fighting for. Learn how to deal with infidelity and fix your relationship. Otherwise, do yourself a favor and leave.