How a Narcissist Makes You Feel Wanted

“Arguing with a narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.” – Unknown

Have you ever felt like you are being manipulated in a relationship? Do you think your partner is taking control over you? Do you ever feel like whatever you say is wrong? If so, then there is a possibility that you may be dealing with a narcissist.

Being involved with a narcissist can be one of the most difficult experiences you will ever encounter. It will impact your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Overall, it can significantly affect your relationships and quality of life.

But let’s be clear that there is a difference between having narcissistic behavior and being clinically diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). According to Psych Central, narcissism encompasses a spectrum where individuals hold a belief in their superiority and prioritize their needs. Sometimes, they may disregard the well-being of others. These tendencies can range from mild or situation-specific occurrences to more pervasive and enduring patterns evident across various situations.

If narcissistic traits or behavior persist in different aspects of one’s life over an extended period, a licensed therapist may formally diagnose them with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

This article will center on the fundamental aspects of individuals exhibiting narcissistic behavior, specifically on how a narcissist makes you feel wanted, including how you can stop attracting them.

What is Narcissism

According to WebMD, narcissism is characterized by extreme self-involvement to the extent that it makes a person disregard the needs of others’ feelings. They added that narcissism is a spectrum and not everyone exhibiting narcissistic traits has NPD.

Individuals diagnosed with NPD represent the highest end of the narcissistic spectrum. On the other hand, others with narcissistic traits may fall on the lower end of the spectrum.

The cause of narcissism has not yet been identified. However, most reliable sources point to potential contributing factors, including environment, genetics, and neurobiology. Their parents may have given them too much adoration or criticism that did not align with their achievements. Or their behavior may be linked to inherited characteristics. Or there may be irregularities in their brain that are affecting their behavior and thinking.

As far as victims go, being a consistent narcissist target is never easy. They tend to keep you in a state of confusion, imbalance, and uncertainty, even when expressing love.

How Narcissist Makes You Feel Wanted

It’s easy to become an unwitting victim of a narcissist, especially if you are unfamiliar with their behavior. Narcissists have exceptional charm and a deep understanding of how to manipulate others. Their first tactic is to make you feel wanted. Here are some ways they accomplish that:

1. They will shower you with “love bombs.”

   A classic sign of narcissistic behavior is giving “love bombs.” In the first stage of your relationship, they will show you excessive love, attention, gifts, and affection. This will make you feel special and wanted. And later on, it will be easier for them to manipulate you.

2. They will attract you with their charm and charisma.

   Narcissistic are individuals who are experts in getting your attention and making a good first impression. They will charm you with their looks, actions, and words to make you fall. If you fall for these tricks, you would be easy prey when they start their plan to control you.

3. They will give you too much admiration and adoration.

   A narcissist will constantly praise your qualities, achievements, and appearance. This will make you feel appreciated, boosting your self-confidence. Their constant validation and admiration of your feelings will make you feel wanted, resulting in a strong emotional bond.

4. They will idolize you and mirror your thoughts and actions.

   Narcissists will mimic your interests, desires, opinions, and feelings. This will create a sense of similarity and compatibility, which may make you feel that you are made for each other.

5. They will use your emotions to manipulate you.

   You already know that narcissists are used to manipulating the feelings of others to their advantage. They may use guilt, fear, or pity to keep you engaged and dependent on their validation and attention. This manipulation can make you feel wanted as you strive to meet their needs or seek their approval.

How Do Narcissists Choose Their Victims

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep attracting narcissists?” It may be because you have the specific traits that they seek from their “victims.” Here are the common traits that make a narcissist attracted to you:

1. You forgive easily.

   You are an easy narcissist target if you are softhearted and forgiving. The ability to repeatedly forgive is particularly appealing to a narcissist, as it allows them to continue their manipulative behavior without facing consequences.

2. You are highly empathetic and compassionate.

   Narcissists are attracted to individuals who are empathetic, caring, and willing to meet their needs. Empaths often prioritize the well-being of others and are more likely to overlook red flags or make excuses for the narcissist’s behavior.

3. You are loyal and devoted.

   A narcissist will be drawn to someone who has unwavering loyalty and devotion. But keep in mind that there is no reciprocation in a relationship with a narcissist. They may demand complete commitment from you, but they often disregard the bond. They won’t feel any remorse, guilt, or shame.

4. You have low self-esteem.

   Your low self-esteem makes you susceptible to the charm of a classic narcissist. They may take advantage of your vulnerabilities, and they may provide validation and attention to boost your self-esteem. As a result, this may create a sense of dependency on them for validation.

5. You are emotionally vulnerable.

   You are likely to be attracting narcissists if you are someone who just recently experienced loss or trauma, or going through a rough period. They will offer a false sense of support and understanding, exploiting your vulnerability for their gain.

How to Stop Attracting Narcissists

You must learn how to not attract narcissists if you want to break free of the unending narcissistic relationship pattern. Here are some strategies you can make use of:

1. Reflect on yourself.

   Take time to evaluate and identify patterns and vulnerabilities that may be attracting narcissists. Increase your self-awareness to help you recognize red flags and make healthier choices with partners.

2. Impose and enforce boundaries.

   You are easily swayed by a narcissist because you’re too softhearted. Now is the time to set limitations and enforce them consistently. Be assertive when you communicate your values and limitations early in the relationship.

3. Improve your self-confidence and self-worth.

   Work on your low self-esteem by focusing on your strengths. You can also try self-care activities to boost your confidence. Another helpful strategy is to surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

4. Educate yourself about narcissism.

   Research and read about narcissistic behavior to understand their manipulative tactics, gaslighting techniques, and patterns of behavior. This will help empower you to recognize and avoid potential narcissistic partners in the future.

5. Seek professional help.

   Seeking professional help is vital, especially when you’re dealing with someone who has potential mental health issues. A mental health professional can guide you through the healing process due to your relationship with a narcissist.

Love is not a free pass for abuse.

Love must not serve as the foundation for remaining in a relationship with a narcissist. Remember how a narcissist makes you feel wanted to gain your trust and loyalty. By permitting manipulation, they will exploit these emotions for their benefit.

In such a relationship, the genuine love you feel will be tainted by their self-serving motives. Always prioritize your emotional health and well-being. Set boundaries to protect yourself from the harmful dynamics perpetuated by narcissistic individuals.