How long have you been single? Does it feel like the longer this goes on, the less hope you have of ever being in a relationship?
To be clear, not everyone is looking for a relationship. Some people remain single for years because they want to. For whatever reason, relationships aren’t among their priorities—and that’s okay.
On the other hand, other people are single due to circumstances beyond their control. They may have gotten out of relationships, or they simply haven’t found someone worth falling for.
We won’t judge you or anyone else for being single for a long period. Instead, our message to you is that there’s still hope for love.
But if you are tired and depressed of being single, then let’s take a quick dive into the factors surrounding your circumstance and discuss ways to end your romantic rut.
In dating, it’s easy to feel like you’re a victim of circumstance. You could be a good-looking person with a decent personality, and still be single for 10 years or more. To make things worse, you have no idea why.
That said, we have more say in our romantic fates than we think. Exercising that control means having an awareness of the factors keeping you from exploring the dating scene. What’s holding you back from finding love?
Below are some common reasons people remain single and leave that status unchanged:
Unfortunately, pain is inevitable in relationships. Even one hurtful experience is enough for someone to put up walls to defend themselves from pain. These walls can lead someone to avoid vulnerability and write people off without much effort.
If you’re wondering why someone you know has been single for years, this may be their reason.
Sometimes, we can’t tell if our defenses are activated. And because of that, we fail to see that they make us close-minded to love.
Our defense mechanisms can push us to make bad decisions. One of those decisions is picking not-so-great people.
Why do people do this?
Maybe their choices only serve to reinforce their negative self-perception. Departing from them may feel uncomfortable and trigger anxiety. As sad as this sounds, some people find comfort in not-so-great matches. They provide them with comfort and familiarity that greater matches can’t give them.
Some people worry about liking a person too much and getting hurt in the end. On the other hand, others can only tolerate a specific level of closeness in the person. For these people, letting someone in their lives is a scary thought they don’t want to entertain.
Has someone ever told you you’re being too selective with your romantic prospects? If so, this may be the reason you’ve been single for years.
Having standards is totally fine. We even recommend it! You deserve nothing but a great life partner.
However, there’s a fine line between that and being nitpicky. And sometimes, people can’t separate the two things.
More often than not, nitpickers have unrealistic expectations clouding their logic. A lot of young singles have unreachable standards because they think they have all the time in the world to have a relationship—until that time runs out. There’s no such thing as perfection, so a reality check is necessary.
You have a poor opinion of yourself, which causes you to doubt any suitor or admirer. When someone expresses their feelings for you, you immediately overthink their intentions.
Unfortunately, low self-esteem shuts the door to potentially great relationships. There’s no quick fix for this reason because building confidence is a long journey. Regardless, everyone deserves to be loved—especially you.
Our low self-esteem makes us unfavorably compare ourselves to others, even in dating.
For example, let’s say you bump into someone catching your interest. You may think that the object of your affection can do better than you. The moment you spot that person with someone else, you berate yourself even further.
Is dating competitive? Sure. However, getting out and exploring the dating scene is worth it than being haunted by what-ifs.
You swear your ex hasn’t occupied your thoughts. But be honest with yourself. Have you fully moved on from them, or are they still in your mind?
Sometimes, people can tell if someone hasn’t gotten over a past love. A person’s speech patterns and body language can give your true feelings away. If you’re in this situation, you may want to stay single until you’ve fully healed.
There’s a stereotype surrounding people who have been single for too long. If you’re unmarried at a specific age, you’re not worth anyone’s time and attention.
The good news is that reality disagrees with that notion. Love doesn’t have a clock.
It’s normal to feel worried about your chances of finding love because you fear people will snatch all your ideal prospects. By the time you’re finally ready to date, you’re only left with not-so-great singles.
For all your valid fears, we assure you there’s nothing wrong with long singlehood. Even science agrees with us! According to research, there are benefits to solitude. One of them is character/personal development. In a Business Insider interview, this is what psychotherapist Amy Morin had to say about that benefit:
Time alone doesn’t have to be lonely. It could be the key to know yourself better.
Singlehood is the best time to figure yourself out. Do some self-investment and establish your wants, needs, and non-negotiables. That way, you won’t be clueless by the time you’re ready to date again. Don’t believe anyone who says people who have been single for too long are the hardest to love.
The point in all this is that if you want to have a relationship, you can. Your romantic history, or lack thereof, should not matter.
You only need to win once in love. The moment you meet the one person who you are meant to be with makes everything worth it.
There is no miracle solution. Stick to the basics. Don’t overcompensate for the things that have kept you single for so long. Rather, just try to be your best and most confident person. Remember, you only need to meet one person and have the fortitude to give your potential relationship a chance. Rinse and repeat until you get what you want — a loving and meaningful relationship with a person who cares for you.
Just because you’ve been single for years doesn’t mean it’s too late for love. True love doesn’t follow a timeline, so don’t lose hope in finding your ultimate soulmate.
© Philippine Women
