Meeting the Parents and Winning Them Over

A couple generally has to cross certain milestones in their relationship, including the first date, the first kiss, the first fight, meeting each other’s friends, and so on. Among these, meeting the parents is an important milestone when dating a Filipina.

The family is a significant unit in Philippine culture compared to the United States, Great Britain, or some other developed country.

What exactly does this mean? It means that what you do when meeting your partner’s parents can make or break your relationship.

Why Is Meeting the Parents a Big Deal?

You might know a few people in happy relationships but aren’t on good terms with their partner’s family. You might want to follow in their footsteps.

However, your relationship with your girlfriend’s family will affect your relationship. If her parents don’t like you, it won’t take long until she feels the same.

Yes, love conquers all. But in the Philippines, people highly value filial piety. So if her parents disapprove of you, don’t even bother to look for an engagement ring.

She won’t marry you, no matter how much the two of you want it. She'll ask for her family's blessing, no matter how old she is.

It may not seem all that logical to you, but when dating a family-oriented woman, their opinions matter more than her wants.

But how long should you date before meeting the family?

How Soon Is Too Soon to Meet the Parents?

Is two months too early to meet the parents? Is one month too soon? No, and no. In the Philippines, you meet the parents as soon as possible. You go on one date, and she may even suggest meeting her family. Why is this?

She wants their approval. She wants them to sign off on you so she can move forward with the relationship. Without it, she’ll tread water. Or she might even end the relationship.

So, how do you win over her parents? No, the more appropriate question is, how do you win over her family?

Filipino families are tight-knit. You’ll have to earn everyone’s approval because one errant word can land in the right ear and torpedo your relationship.

Meeting the parents isn’t just a big deal. It’s the biggest deal.

How to Prepare for Meeting Filipino Parents for The First Time

1. Learn about Them

Ask your girlfriend about her parents and extended family to know what they’re like. You can even stalk their social media to find out what they like. Research all the information you can. Then, present yourself in a way that’ll make them like you.

Also, learn the unwritten rules when interacting with them. Perhaps her dad likes to sit in a chair, while her mom prefers certain words to go unuttered in her presence. You don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.

2. Show Filial Piety

Win over your girlfriend's parents with respect, especially toward the father. The Philippines is a patriarchal society, and fathers like to believe they have absolute authority over their children, especially daughters. According to the Philippine Institute for Development Studies, such culture is deeply embedded in the social structures with the help of religion.

3. Bring a Gift

Something else you can do to win them over is to bring something. It isn’t required, but it’s a highly appreciated gesture. However, don’t just pick the first thing you see on the shelf. Take time to search and buy the right gift for meeting the parents.

Filipinos tend to take gift-giving seriously. In the digital age, most of them go online for inspiration and comparisons. Also, a Google Consumer Barometer survey reveals that 60% of Filipinos use the internet for shopping (Morales 2015).

Regardless of what they like, don’t get anything too extravagant because it might look like you’re showing off. Instead, get something simple.

If it’s a simple get-together, bring a bottle of wine. If it’s a full-on party, bring a couple of cakes for dessert. Don’t show up empty-handed, but don’t come in with too much.

Bring something small but significant.

4. Dress Appropriately

How should you dress for meeting the parents? What’s the ideal outfit to meet the parents? Should you go casual or semi-formal?

While dress codes aren’t strict in the Philippines, showing up to meet your girlfriend’s parents in a tank top and basketball shorts won’t win you any points.

But don’t show up in a suit and tie, either. That type of clothing isn't suited to the climate. It’ll also make you look like you’re trying too hard to win them over.

No one likes someone who tries too hard. If you want a decent outfit for meeting the parents, try wearing a shirt and jeans.

5. Keep Things Family-friendly

Be affectionate with your girlfriend. Her family will want to see evidence of your feelings for her. Hold her hand and put an arm around her shoulders.

Don’t kiss her, though. That’s the kind of thing that could scandalize conservative elders. Keep it G-rated, and you should be fine. You can avoid all of her relatives thinking of you as some lecherous foreigner.

5. Mind Your Behavior

Don’t forget to mind yourself. Meeting her parents will probably be festive. Filipino families love to drink during gatherings. It's one way for them to get to know you and bond with you.

You’re supposed to have a good time, but not too good a time. You don’t want to get drunk.

After all, you may not be a fun drunk. And even if you are, your inebriation may not make the best of impressions. So have fun, but be on your best behavior.

. . .

Meeting the parents is a pretty important step in a relationship. It’s the first step towards building a solid future together. After all, their opinions matter. And a negative perception of you won't do you any good.

Therefore, treat the moment with the utmost reverence and respect. It may be tough to gain their approval now. But that's because they're protective of their child. Once you do, however, they'll treat you positively differently. And when you experience challenges down the line, you can rely on her family to be there for you.