What Are the Common Mistakes in Relationships?

“What am I doing wrong?”

You’ve noticed that your Filipina partner suddenly started distancing herself, which prompted you to ask this question.

Most of the time, this behavior is neither sudden nor caused by a one-time mistake.

When you see signs that your partner has changed, she may have had enough of all your mistakes or misunderstandings in your relationship.

Yes, mistakes are okay. But it’s a different story when you fail to acknowledge them and make them a habit instead.

If you want to preserve your relationship, be aware of the common mistakes and make it a point to self-assess now and then.

So, what are the common mistakes in relationships?

Common First Relationship Mistakes

Navigating your first relationship is like sailing through uncharted waters.

Sometimes, inexperience drowns you in the storm or pushes you to sail back.

That being said, you can set sail for the long term and establish a stronger bond with your Filipina partner by avoiding these first relationship mistakes.

Putting on a Performer’s Mask

It’s normal to put your best foot forward.

However, avoid putting on a performer’s mask and acting as if you’re the perfect boyfriend.

Allow your Filipina partner to see the vulnerable side of you—one wherein you fumble at times, complain, and sometimes are not able to look your very best.

This way, you’ll avoid exhausting yourself and setting false expectations for your partner.

Revolving Your Entire Life around Your Partner

Many make the mistake of revolving their lives around their partner.

As you’re deeply in love, it’s normal to want to be with your partner all the time.

However, avoid scheduling your life around them to the point that you’ve cut off your family, friends, and other support systems, or disregard any hobbies you have in order to cater to theirs.

Create a healthy distance and live your own life.

Not Setting Boundaries

Your first relationship is bound to go smoothly in the first few months. With that, you may think there’s no need to establish clear boundaries.

However, doing so can help you get into fewer arguments and easily navigate them. Moreover, according to clinical psychologist Elizabeth Wine, boundaries are a form of self-care. It allows you to develop self-respect as you learn not to easily give in to things, especially those important to you.

Be brave enough to tell your partner what you’re comfortable with and encourage them to do the same.

What are the Common Mistakes in Relationships between Long-Term Couples?

As an interracial couple, you may have already faced different problems and challenges. Yet here you are, still going strong.

Or so you thought.

One fine day, your Filipina partner angrily confronts you out of nowhere. You rack your brain, listing mistakes you probably made and trying to figure out which ones set her off.

You eventually realize she’s angry about you forgetting to get the groceries, exemplifying how simple matters or issues can become big problems if left unaddressed over time.

With that, the following are some common mistakes made by couples in long-term relationships.

Making Promises You Can’t Fulfill

Did you forget to get the groceries when you promised to do so? Or did you ask your partner out for dinner and then cancel at the last minute?

You may have your reasons, but continuously making promises you aren’t able to fulfill can break your partner’s trust.

Instead of making promises you can’t keep, consider saying, “I’ll try my best.”

Lying about How You Feel

Little white lies are okay when they’re harmless, such as saying a different price for a new household item you impulsively bought or pretending you weren’t the one who spilled coffee on the sofa.

However, lies are damaging when they make your partner anxious about your feelings, causing distrust to form in your relationship.

For example, you lie about feeling satisfied with the amount of affection they show despite actually feeling overwhelmed.

However, your Filipina partner notices how you subtly pull away at times when they invade your personal space too much.

Because you lied about how you felt and refused to communicate your boundaries regarding physical intimacy, you’re causing your partner to doubt whether you’re satisfied with her or if you’re seeing someone else behind her back.

Instead of lying, be honest about your mood and feelings about certain situations.

Lacking Consistency

At the beginning of every relationship, it’s common to constantly make various gestures of love to your partner.

But after spending years together, you may assume that it’s okay to take it easy as you’re past the stage of “working on your relationship.”

That’s when you begin to lack consistency and make your partner question whether she still matters to you.

Remember, working on your relationship is a continuous process. Make it a point to show affection and appreciation to your partner, even if it’s through simple gestures like buying her coffee or cooking her dinner at home.

Assuming You Know What They Want

Did you decide without consulting your partner? Or did you try to speak on her behalf?

Although your decision might not affect both of you financially, nor will your comment on her behalf affect her image and relationship with others, you don’t get to say what your partner wants.

Being your Filipina partner’s spokesperson when she can clearly stand up for herself is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.

Yes, you’ve spent years together and may feel like you know everything about her. However, she might have changed her perspective.

Always ask and involve your partner in situations she’s a part of.

Kinds of Mistakes Made in Relationships

What are the common mistakes in relationships that can lead to a breakup?

Learn how to classify positive and negative mistakes This way, you’ll know how to correct them and maintain your relationship.

Positive Mistakes

Stretch Mistakes

Stretch mistakes are those that you unintentionally make as you’re working to develop yourself.

For example, you want to match your partner’s ideal type, so you wear a performer’s mask.

To address your stretch mistakes, apologize to your partner for setting her up for disappointment. Then, learn and adjust based on your capabilities.

A-Ha Moment Mistakes

Sometimes, you may lack knowledge of which actions to take in certain situations.

An example is making assumptions about what your partner wants.

It may be out of confidence that you’ve known her for years or the thought that she’ll appreciate you speaking on their behalf, but then you realize that she saw things from a different perspective.

In this case, try to see the situation from different angles before acting. More importantly, learn to communicate more.

Negative Mistakes

Sloppy Mistakes

Sloppy mistakes are those that you make because of being too comfortable or lacking focus.

An example of this is the lack of consistent efforts in the relationship.

In some cases, sloppy mistakes don’t immediately fuel an argument. However, it gives you the wrong impression that everything's fine, allowing you to become complacent and make more of them.

To address your sloppy mistakes, take note of your partner’s current interests, use a planner to set dates, and set reminders for important events, like birthdays or anniversaries.

High-Stakes Mistakes

High-stakes mistakes, like lying and infidelity, are often major relationship deal-breakers. This is because they can cause irreparable damage.

But in case both you and your partner are willing to fix things, take accountability for your actions, take the time to rebuild trust in your relationship, and consider seeking the help of a professional.

Is it Normal to Make Mistakes in Relationships?

People often link mistakes to failures. And according to a 2019 study, failures threaten people’s self-esteem. In turn, they stop learning.

However, making mistakes is normal. They’re not failures; they’re part of being human.

Instead of considering them threats, see mistakes as opportunities to learn and better yourself.

Avoid making the same common mistakes in your relationship. Learn to acknowledge what you’ve done wrong, be mindful of how your actions may affect your partner, and take responsibility.

Remember, being in a relationship does not only mean being committed to your partner. It also means being committed to your personal growth.