Modern Dating | How to Navigate Love in the Age of Swipes

Dating used to be a relatively simple process. You’d encounter someone in a random setting (work, cafes, daily commutes, etc.) and hit things off from there. That doesn’t sound too difficult.

But nowadays, dating has become a stressor.

The inescapable influence of technology shaped what we now know as modern dating. Traditional dating practices, especially in countries like the Philippines, have nearly become obsolete. In-person dating still exists today, but more and more people around the globe prefer finding romance on the World Wide Web.

The change poses an issue, especially for older individuals. How do you get back into the game if you’ve been away from it for so long?

Dating may almost be unrecognizable, so where do you begin?

Not to worry, the concept of love and romance hasn’t changed. And with a few adjustments here and there, you might even come to fancy all the conveniences and benefits of the new dating scene.

Dating Today

What does dating look like in the 21st century?

Look no further than the people around you. People are busy swiping away on their phones, looking for the next attractive, warm body to keep them company. To quote comedian Aziz Ansari, “Today, if you own a smartphone, you’re carrying a 24/7 singles bar in your pocket.”

Dating nowadays is also a mishmash of various trends with ever-evolving terminology. Daters use terms like ghosting and soft launch to describe or explain their wins, losses, or behaviors.

However, unlike trends, it’s safe to say that digital romance won’t die out any time soon.

One study says that the UK will have more than 50% of relationships born through online dating by 2035. It also predicts that most babies born in the country will be from parents who met online by 2037.

Modern Dating Terms

Since dating has evolved, so has its terminology.

You may have encountered words like “hard launch” and “rizz” on social media. As you read them, you’re probably confused by what they are and what they mean.

With the many dating terms nowadays, learning them all in one go is a tall order. To make it easier on your end, here are some commonly used ones and their definitions:

Rizz

Common among Gen Z daters, rizz is short for “charisma.” It refers to a person’s ability to flirt and attract potential matches or partners. Think of it as an invisible string pulling you toward someone you weren’t initially interested in.

Soft launch

This term refers to discreetly revealing a new relationship by keeping their partner’s identity a secret. Examples include photos of hand-holding and walking without showing faces.

Hard launch

If soft launches are all about subtlety, hard launches are straightforward. There’s no hiding names and faces here; a couple is making a statement.

Love bombing

There’s a difference between showering someone with love and bombing them with it. To love bomb someone means to isolate them from their loved ones while using consistent attention and interaction as a power play.

Cuffing

Derived from how handcuffs work, this term can refer to two things. It can mean tying yourself to one person during the winter (or “cuffing season”). Or, it can mean settling down in a serious relationship.

Ghosting

Do you know someone who committed a disappearing act without warning? Ghosters cut off contact abruptly, leaving victims devastated and lost.

It’s one of the reasons many say modern dating is toxic. Its aftermath results in insecurities, a lack of trust, and a fear of abandonment. A 2020 study of 600 adults revealed that participants who’ve experienced ghosting (combined with breadcrumbing) felt lonelier, more helpless, and dissatisfied with life.

Situationship

Let’s say you’re with this person but haven’t made things official. You do things lovers do but don’t have the label tacked onto your relationship.

That is how situationships usually play out. Unlike a friends-with-benefits setup, both parties are unsure of what they want from their arrangement. This dilemma is another reason some people are on the “modern dating sucks” side of the debate.

The Pros of Modern Dating

Is online dating convenient? Yes. Imagine earning matches without leaving your house. But what else is there?

No limits

One of the best things about dating today is that you can access platforms anytime and anywhere. Whether in your room or on vacation, you can choose matches at your convenience.

Matches are aplenty

Today, you have options you never thought would be available. Matching with someone from a far-flung country was previously unheard of! But thanks to technology, you can enjoy a vast dating pool that spans many countries.

Communication comes with less pressure

Many dating interactions happen online, reducing pressure and increasing your confidence. Why? You can hide behind your screens and avoid the judgments and awkward silences that come with in-person meetups.

You call the shots

Dating online means you’re in control. Some platforms offer search filters to save you from endless swiping or exploring. You can even talk to many singles simultaneously if you wish!

The Cons of Modern Dating

As easy as it is, finding love online has its cons.

Limitless choices can be overwhelming

Learning how dating works today means grappling with overwhelming choices. Having many options can be great, but they can confuse you. It’ll make you feel like you’re on an endless search for perfection rather than forming a genuine connection.

Unpredictable behaviors

With the many singles you’ll encounter, you’ll sadly bump into nasty ones. Some matches will cross lines and take inappropriate actions, while others are just scammers awaiting their next victims.

Words are just words

You can’t always tell if a match means what they say because they hide behind their phones. Body language can either emphasize their words or be a giveaway of their true feelings, which we can only see in in-person interactions.

Why Is Online Dating So Hard for Men?

With the pros and cons of 21st-century dating, your frustrations make sense. But why does the modern dating life seem more challenging for men?

Perhaps these reasons may give you some insight:

1. Your chosen platform doesn’t align with your wants and needs.

Is your chosen site or app meeting your desires and priorities? If you aren’t meeting your goals there, switch to another platform and try your luck there. Check the site or app to see if they cater to your preferences before signing up.

2. You have unreasonable expectations.

Singles on dating sites and apps aren’t a monolith. Not everyone will check all your criteria. With that, you may want to temper your expectations.

You won’t meet someone and instantly form a special connection, so relax and take your time. You’ll only disappoint yourself if you let your expectations overrule your romantic pursuits.

3. You haven’t put in the effort.

The work doesn’t stop at website registrations and filling in your basic information. Online dating needs effort, too!

You’ll need to build an engaging profile. Add details that give a glimpse of your personality without exaggeration. If you highlight your authentic self, there will be daters vying to catch your attention.

4. Your messaging may need some work.

Check the messages you’ve been sending to potential matches. Maybe they just aren’t enough to get someone to pay attention. And that’s not a knock on you, by the way!

Perhaps your messages need some fine-tuning. Make sure they indicate you checked out their profile. Adding a relatable detail about yourself will also make your match notice you. If you want to be more engaging, ask an open-ended question they can’t resist answering.

How to Date in the Modern World

Finding matches is extra challenging nowadays. Fortunately, it’s not impossible.

Apply these modern dating tips to make your search a little less stressful:

1. Make your search intentional.

If you want meaningful relationships, look at where you’re meeting matches. Try getting to know people who frequent places you’re constantly visiting, like your favorite cafe or a nearby gym. You’ll have more chances of making connections if you know where to look.

2. Keep your expectations manageable.

Having standards is okay! You deserve nothing less than the best. However, real life doesn’t always give you what you want.

Sometimes, the best matches are people we didn’t expect to like. With that, keep an open mind on every date. Don’t make your expectations your be-all and end-all in your search for love. You’ll be more relaxed that way.

3. Don’t rush.

Consider this one of the golden modern dating rules for guys and ladies.

Don’t hurry and treat every match as a ticket to long-term relationships. Some relationships aren’t meant to last long, and that’s fine. Taking your time will make dating more fun because you allow things to happen instead of controlling them.

4. View every match as a lesson.

Some matches will suck, and you’re allowed to feel disappointed. However, don’t let them upset you for too long. Treat bad matches as lessons for your preferences and non-negotiables. This way, you’ll know what to approach and avoid on future dates.

Modern dating may be unpredictable, but don’t let that scare you! Dates are supposed to be fun anyway, so why ruin them with frustration? Approach every match with healthy optimism to make your experience more enjoyable.