Why do people cheat instead of breaking up?
Regardless of whether you’re a victim or know someone who is, cheating always leads you to ask for a reason.
It may be to understand the betrayal, to correct what they dislike about you or the relationship, or to provide closure for your thoughts.
People who cheat, however, give various reasons, showcasing the complexity of the act.
But to narrow it down, research has been conducted to understand the mindset of a cheating man or woman.
Having said that, here are the following motivations of a cheater.
Anger can oftentimes lead to making regrettable decisions. This is why it’s advised that people approach situations with a clear mind.
But people who cheat out of anger have an intense desire to get back at their partner, clouding their ability to remain calm and think of a more positive approach.
According to research, however, these kinds of cheaters are likely to end their affairs early.
Moreover, they’re the type to immediately come clean to their partner rather than admitting to cheating years later. This way, they’ll get pleasure out of their partner’s reaction to the betrayal.
Is cheating justifiable?
If cheaters were to answer this question, they would definitely say yes, especially if they think that they’re the victim in the relationship.
Being in a relationship means working together with your partner to fulfill each other’s needs. However, sometimes, you may fail to notice what your partner desires and in turn fail to respond accordingly.
But remember, cheating doesn’t start with a single unaddressed need. Instead, it’s the constant neglect that pushes one to decide to break their commitment and justify their actions.
Some people have lower self-esteem than others. So even though their partner provides them with validation and reassurance, it may not be enough to satisfy them.
Because of this, they’re likely to cheat and have multiple partners.
Moreover, because of their low self-esteem, they try to make themselves and others believe that they’re desirable by openly cheating.
However, this trait leads them to get easily caught in the act.
Once they are, they resort to self-sabotage, which either causes them to smoothly let go of the relationship or beg for their partner to stay.
There are five stages in a relationship: euphoria, uncertainty, adjustment, commitment, and acceptance.
Once a couple reaches the stage of uncertainty, mild conflicts start to emerge as they can finally see each other without those rose-colored glasses.
While most couples successfully sail through the second stage, it is the adjustment phase that leads them to drift apart.
Here, patterns leading to affairs start to emerge. There are larger conflicts to handle and more instances wherein both partners are left feeling unsatisfied in the relationship.
This cycle will continue until both partners learn how to properly communicate and find a compromise.
Otherwise, one may try to explore new experiences from others to escape the repetitive pattern they’re in.
Temptation is easy to fall into but difficult to run away from. It’s why even people in happy relationships cheat.
A person who is their type suddenly shows up and the opportunity to have relations with them presents itself. When in that situation, willpower, sometimes, can only do so much.
Moreover, there’s the thrill of doing something taboo.
Some cheaters know it’s wrong to be unfaithful to their partner. But the thought of scheming behind their back and risking the relationship excites them.
Some couples go into a relationship without love involved. They’re together because of certain benefits like status, money, or someone to keep company.
But without love holding them together, one or both partners are likely to find someone else outside of the relationship who can fulfill their need for an emotional connection.
Meanwhile, some cheat because they fell out of love.
Although contrary to their actions, in the mindset of a cheating man or woman, they’re afraid that telling their partner that they don’t love them anymore will hurt them. They then try hard to keep their affair a secret by acting as if they’re still madly in love.
Yet, the inevitable will happen once they get caught.
In some cases, people cheat because of their inability to commit to one person.
Regardless of whether it’s because of their complicated family dynamics or past experiences, they project their issues onto their current relationship and fear that their partner will leave them.
With this kind of mindset, they form as many relationships as they can to create backup options.
This way, they’ll be able to smoothly move on instead of being left behind and going through life alone.
Not all who cheat desire to do so. However, certain circumstances lead them to do such an act.
Common examples of this are getting drunk and sleeping with someone, or feeling stressed and wanting physical comfort as a way to unwind.
In such cases, the affair is likely going to end as a one-time thing with the cheater treating it as an “accident.”
However, because they know what they did was wrong, they try to make it up to their partner by exerting more effort in the relationship.
In turn, their partner becomes suspicious of the change and begins to question it.
Being unable to come to terms with the consequences of their actions, a situational cheater will deny what happened and feign ignorance. They will only be admitting to cheating years later when they think they’ve “secured” their partner.
Another type of situational cheater, however, is one who wasn’t given any clarity in their relationship status.
For example, couples commonly ask, “Is it cheating if you’re on a break?”
Some couples say yes, others say no. In reality, it depends on the agreement between the couple.
If they agree that they can form other relationships while on a break, then it’s not cheating.
However, if there are no rules or boundaries set, the lack of clarity may drive one to think that engaging in other relationships is okay.
Like the ones who cheat after falling out of love, cheaters who desire to leave are also unable to face accountability for their unhappiness in the relationship.
Rather than being the one who breaks it off, they try to sabotage their relationship by cheating.
Moreover, due to their desire to leave, they openly show their betrayal by going on public dates with their affair partner or engaging in public displays of affection.
For them, getting branded as a cheater and being thrown away by their partner is easier than having to sit them down for a break-up talk.
Does cheating make you a bad person?
Although people try to get to know a cheater’s motivation, they’re still regarded as the “villain” in a relationship.
Cheating is an unacceptable act, but not all who cheat are necessarily bad people.
Just as they say, hate the sin, not the sinner.
However, this is not a sign for you to cheat or look past people who do.
Cheating breaks someone’s ability to trust.
Even if they can rebuild it, they’ll permanently have their guard up when moving on to new relationships.
They’ll also start to see some of their partner’s actions as patterns leading to affairs, which will potentially hurt the relationship.
Consider the long term impact of infidelity on the victim before you think about betraying your partner or failing to reprimand a close friend or family member who cheats.
Is it better to cheat or break up?
Although there are cheaters who prefer to cheat for fear of hurting their partner and facing accountability, it’s more ideal to call off the relationship if they’re no longer happy or satisfied.
The truth might not always be met with a positive reaction, but it is better than lying and permanently breaking someone’s trust.
Moreover, honesty provides a sense of relief. You won’t have to feel anxious about getting caught in your web of lies.
But when cheating is situational, a result of temptation, or treated as a form of revenge, try to be mature when making decisions. Avoid being blindsided by temporary pleasure.
Remind yourself of your commitment to your partner.
But if you’ve already cheated, hold yourself accountable for your actions. Be upfront with them and either fix your relationship or learn to let go.
There may be various answers to the question, “Why do people cheat instead of breaking up?” Regardless of the motivation, however, cheating damages the relationship.
That alone is enough reason to avoid it, reprimand someone for it, or treat it as a sign to leave a partner.
© Philippine Women
