Is it love when you’re constantly giving without receiving anything in return?
In a relationship, inherent responsibilities are assigned to you and your partner based on your strengths and weaknesses. With these come certain expectations.
For instance, if you play the role of the financial provider, surely, you’ll expect your partner to at least support you in managing the finances. Meanwhile, if your partner is taking care of household chores while you’re at work, they will expect you to at least help them keep your living space clean.
Maintaining this cycle of giving and receiving and meeting expectations is what makes every relationship thrive. However, the lack of accountability in relationships is what allows resentment to make its way into a couple’s life.
If you’re the one who keeps on giving without receiving anything in return, you start to feel exhausted and frustrated. And it’s easy to blame your partner for these feelings, summing it all up into one statement: “They don’t love me.”
Eventually, the resentment you’ve built up towards your partner is what’s going to break your relationship.
If you and your partner want to make your relationship last longer, try to stop giving each other reasons to hold resentment.
Instead, know and fulfill your responsibilities in a relationship to foster a healthy give-and-take dynamic.
Before knowing your responsibilities, you need to get to know your roles in order for you to play them out correctly.
While the roles in a relationship may vary for each couple, here are the most common ones you need to know.
In a relationship, there’s always the defender and the one being taken care of.
When dangerous situations arise, the defender is usually the one who confronts the threat, diffuses the situation, or shields their partner.
Meanwhile, the one being defended relies on their partner for their physical and emotional safety.
In friendships, there’s always that one person in the group whom you approach whenever you need someone to listen to your rants or exciting experiences.
The same goes for a romantic relationship.
The counselor in a relationship is the one that listens and gives advice to their partner.
Meanwhile, the confidant is the one who seeks the counselor’s opinion when making major decisions in their life.
A healthy relationship requires both partners to stand as each other’s equals and bring something to the table.
For example, although the defender is the one at the frontline whenever their partner’s safety is threatened, the one being protected should also be able to offer their support.
They should be able to appreciate their partner’s efforts to protect them, provide them with healing, and acknowledge that their partner has weaknesses that limit them from coming to their rescue at all times.
Hence, in a relationship, you can’t just expect your partner to spoil you.
Although in a different manner, you need to exert the same effort and love that they give to you, and vice-versa.
Once you’ve determined what roles you and your partner play, get to know what needs to be improved in your dynamic by referring to your rights in a relationship.
Not only do these help you foster a healthy relationship, but it also helps affirm your feelings and opinions.
For example, at times when you sense that your partner is lacking in the fulfillment of their role, refer to these rights to stop doubting yourself on whether or not it’s right for you to feel that way.
Although it’s only right that your partner shouldn’t hit, kick, or physically abuse you, safety also means that you feel emotionally secure with them.
This means that your partner respects your boundaries, offers support to your mental health, and doesn’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, and vice-versa.
In line with this, they also shouldn’t shame you for your interests or beliefs, and instead agree to disagree or address it to you from a place of heartfelt concern.
Your partner should value you the way your family and closest friends do.
Even saying “I love you” is already enough.
These three words, although short, are able to reflect your partner’s unconditional love.
It makes you feel appreciated and highlights your importance in their life, letting you know that they cherish what you bring to the relationship.
However, although those three words are nice to hear, your partner can also show their appreciation in other ways.
This includes giving gifts, helping you out with simple tasks, or giving you a kiss on the cheek.
You are your own person. This means that your partner should not exert control over you out of jealousy or narcissistic tendencies.
They should allow you to pursue independence in your thoughts, daily activities, and other relationships.
Moreover, they should respect your decisions, offer their support, and only intervene in an effort to keep you safe.
Between you and your partner, your relationship responsibilities are the obligations that you expect each other to fulfill in relation to your roles and in accordance with your rights.
Take note of these general and traditional responsibilities.
As mentioned, you and your partner have the right to be independent. This includes having the option to say “no” when uncomfortable situations arise.
However, saying “no” when either of you have already made a commitment is something that should be frowned upon.
Unless uncontrollable situations arise, honor the agreements you had with one another, whether it be a date on a weekday or a plan for the future.
When a protector, for example, becomes the one who hurts their partner, they should know how to be accountable for what they did.
In other words, instead of not taking responsibility for your actions by making excuses or gaslighting your partner, humble yourself.
The lack of accountability in relationships is often what fans the fire in arguments, causing an immature confrontation between you and your partner.
To avoid this, both of you should learn to acknowledge that you’ve made a mistake, say sorry, and try to be better in the future.
Once you have accepted the responsibility that comes with your role and aligns with your partner’s rights, make sure to set aside time to communicate how you can improve.
Have a “feedback session” with your partner wherein they can point out which areas you could do better at and suggest ways for you to grow.
In return, you too could comment regarding their role in your relationship. But remember to also give constructive feedback. This way, they will be motivated to work on their improvement.
While you and your partner can assume any responsibilities based on your strengths and weaknesses, here are the duties that men and women fulfill when in a traditional relationship.
During the courtship stage, men often make grand gestures to show their love. They plan surprises and celebrations, as well as give plenty of gifts.
However, all these often get lost when they become too comfortable in the relationship.
Part of a boyfriend’s duty is to be consistent in their efforts to show their love to their woman.
At this point, it doesn’t always have to be grand. It can be as simple as buying her coffee before she goes to work or giving her flowers on a random day.
Traditionally, men are considered to be leaders. That’s because they are the ones who have been educated on different strategies and have more opportunities to be in authority compared to women.
Because of this, it is part of a man’s responsibility in a relationship to make tough decisions to protect himself and his partner.
He has to be bold in making financial investments for their future, as well as take the initiative to solve whatever problems come their way.
Moreover, part of his duty is to take responsibility for the tough decisions he makes.
Historically, men are seen as providers, since they are the only ones allowed to work and earn income.
Although this doesn’t hold true in today’s modern world, boyfriends are still expected to provide for their partner.
It doesn’t have to be to the extent of buying their partner a home or giving them luxuries.
It can be something like paying for the date, sharing expenses during outings, or providing practical assistance, such as offering transportation or running errands.
If men are the ones who make tough decisions, then one of the woman’s responsibilities in a relationship is to offer support.
Men are not invincible. There are times wherein they’ll doubt their decisions or struggle to continue their tough guy act.
In times like this, a girlfriend should offer encouragement, believing in her partner when nobody else would. Moreover, it is her duty to help him go past his limits, achieving his full potential.
Due to their role as providers, men often don’t have the time to pamper themselves. It falls on the girlfriend’s responsibility to help her man find rest after a chaotic workday.
Based on his current needs and overall preferences, she can cook dinner for him, give him a massage, or prepare a warm bath.
Words of affirmation also help to get rid of the stress or lift the burden off his shoulders.
A woman makes a house a home.
Although it is not a girlfriend’s duty to build a home with her partner, it is, however, her role to add a womanly touch to his life.
This means taking the initiative to show physical affection, caring for his well-being, encouraging him to pursue creative endeavors, and paying attention to details that can positively make a difference in his daily life.
In a relationship, once you accept the responsibility related to your role, you need to commit to it.
Meet your partner’s expectations and let them see that you’re also contributing something to the relationship.
Avoid making your partner feel like they’re giving and waiting for nothing in return. This will only make them resent you and foster a toxic relationship with you.
However, if you know you can’t meet their expectations of you, communicate it to them, set boundaries, and together, lay out a new set of responsibilities you can fulfill.
Remember that being upfront is better than doing nothing at all.
© Philippine Women
