Philippine Realities: What Foreign Men Can Expect

Filipina Personality

There are various opinions about Filipinas. Some view them as submissive and naive, while others deem them opportunistic.

While women like these exist, such descriptions don’t capture the essence of a Filipina’s personality.

1. Warm and Hospitable

The Philippines practices collectivism, emphasizing individual and group responsibilities to create harmony. That said, locals always try to be selfless, sharing their resources, especially with foreigners who may not have experienced them.

As a result, Filipinas are known for their excellent hospitality. They show respect and generosity toward guests. They also often offer them accommodation and a warm meal. Moreover, their smiles and infectious energy keep their guests entertained and cared for.

2. Family-oriented

The Philippines is a predominantly devout Catholic nation. With such a high regard for religion, Filipinas also came to value their familial ties.

In a study by religion and values education professor Ivan Gozum, he quotes Niel Mulder in his interpretation of everyday life in the Philippines, saying, “Religion idealizes, legitimizes, and sanctifies familial relationships.”

Filipinas consider Joseph, Mary, and Jesus the ideal family and strive to adapt their positive traits, such as intimacy, trust, protection, and consolation.

As a result of this value, Gozum explains that they always consider their family’s opinions, even in personal aspects like dating. They trust that they know what’s best for them.

So don't be surprised when your Filipina date introduces you to her family in your early dating stages. She wants them to get to know you and assess whether they should give you their blessing to enter a relationship.

3. Confident and Open to Learning

Many foreigners in the Philippines don’t have a challenging time getting around the country. The main reason? Many Filipinas are near-native English speakers or can speak it decently.

Filipinos are proficient in English, ranking 20th globally and second in Asia. The country scored 578 on the EF English Proficiency Index (EPI), denoting a high level of proficiency in the English language (Correa 2023).

How did they get to this point?

Filipinas study English as early as preschool and learn through Western media, such as television, online videos, and movies. But beyond these, it’s because they’re confident in trying. Moreover, despite their mistakes, they’re open to learning and improving.

4. Indirect Communicators

Filipinas are accommodating. But sometimes, this trait makes it difficult for them to refuse requests or talk about their negative feelings. Instead of saying it outright, they resort to indirect communication, evident in their avoidance of confrontation and diplomatic and ambiguous ways of speaking (Scroope 2017).

For example, instead of saying they’re uninterested in coming to an event, they cite an excuse, like work or family affairs, or express reluctance through their body language and facial expressions.

5. Feminine and Traditional

According to Marc, a tour client, Filipinas embrace their femininity and traditional values.

“They allow you to be a man. They want you to make them feel safe and secure,” he adds.

Filipinas are gentle, sweet, loyal, and caring. They like to care for their loved ones, prepare their meals, and be hands-on with their children.

They also often practice self-care but struggle with beauty standards because of the prevailing Philippines reality of colonial mentality. Many Filipinas grew up believing they should aim for Caucasian qualities like having fair skin and blonde hair.

The reason for their behavior lies in the influential image of Maria Clara.

Maria Clara is a modest, discerning, gentle, innocent, and reserved fictional character from Jose Rizal’s novels Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo (both are required readings in the Philippine high school curriculum).

Her image became the epitome of an ideal Filipina. Even with the new ideals of today, many Filipinas still strive to be like her (Tiangson 2018).

6. Resilient

Despite their soft spots, Filipinas are some of the toughest women you’ll ever meet.

They’re hardworking, patient, and courageous, especially when overcoming obstacles for the sake of their loved ones. They are the ever-dependable “ilaw ng tahanan” (light of the home), devoted to their daily responsibilities as daughters, sisters, mothers, and wives.

Philippine social realities, such as natural calamities, accidents, and economic struggles, made them resilient. Instead of dwelling on their sadness or fears, they accept their situation and find a workaround. As they do, they carry the hope that someday everything will fall in the right place (G. Garay, C. Garay, and Martinez 2020).

Challenging Philippine Realities in Dating

Even beautiful roses have thorns.

Life with a Filipina seems great. However, challenges are inevitable. Expect them to come your way and test you.

Remember not to let this list discourage you. Instead, consider these points as a necessary reality check.

1. Long-distance Relationship

If you’re a foreigner dating a Filipina, chances are you’ll have to endure being miles apart.

Among the many challenging Philippine realities, many people dread such separation. Understandably, it has disadvantages, such as a lack of physical intimacy and communication barriers. Long periods of separation can also lead to misunderstandings, lying, and infidelity.

2. Living in the Philippines

If you choose to reside as a foreigner in the Philippines, you can avoid the risks and difficulties of maintaining a long-distance relationship.

However, reality in the Philippines significantly differs from what you’re used to.

First of all, the country has a tropical climate. It has a mean annual temperature of 26.6 degrees Celsius, is more humid (between 71 and 85%), and experiences more rain than temperate countries (Department of Science and Technology: Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical, and Astronomical Services Administration, n.d.)

Second, Filipino food is heavy on meat and fats and combines sweet, sour, and salty flavors.

Lastly, while English is a predominant language, the country also has numerous other languages, such as Tagalog, Cebuano, Ilocano, Hiligaynon, Waray-Waray, and at least 120 others, depending on which area you are staying in.

All these factors will affect your everyday life in the Philippines and your ability to maintain your connection with a Filipina.

3. Cultural Differences

Philippine culture is laid-back and conservative.

You can see it in how Filipinas celebrate with their families during holidays, care for their guests at home, and practice traditional gender roles and familial hierarchy.

However, just as your lifestyles differ, so do your cultures. If you don’t learn to be open and respect each other’s uniqueness, your cultural differences may cause miscommunications and form other emotional barriers between you.

4. Single Parenthood

According to a survey by the World Health Organization, the Philippines has 15 million single parents, and 95% of them, or over 14 million, are women (Pinugu 2024).

With such a high percentage of single moms, it won’t be a surprise if you meet and date one.

Single mothers are known for their maturity, sincerity, and faithfulness in relationships. However, their children are their top priority.

Now, don’t take this as something negative. It’s noble for a single mom to shoulder the responsibilities of parenting alone.

Just know that while you have a special place in her heart, she will have to decide based on the well-being of her children. She might suddenly cancel your date because of her children. Or, she might not have much time to see you because she's hands-on in supporting her children in their activities.

5. Mental Health Struggles

The realities in the Philippines can cause Filipinas to suffer from various mental health issues.

For instance, social expectations of beauty can cause anxiety and eating disorders as they try to achieve “physical perfection.”

Similarly, a lack of financial resources can cause depression and an unhealthy work-life balance, as they choose to work overtime or take on multiple jobs instead of resting to provide for their families.

Unfortunately, a study aimed at transforming mental health services in the Philippines states that many Filipinos consider mental health issues to be socially unacceptable. As a result, many hide their struggles instead of asking for help from their family, friends, or even professionals (Alibudbud 2023).

6. Romance Scams

In dating, the goal is to build trust in each other. However, how sure are you that your Filipina date is not luring you into a dating scam, especially when your only interactions have been strictly online?

While there are plenty of sincere single ladies, there are also fraudsters and catfishers. These people are ready to lie and pretend to profit from you.

7. Middle-age Blues

Dating in your 30s and 40s can sometimes pose concerns. You want to build a relationship with your Filipina date, but doubts and pressure may overcome you.

Will someone love you even when you’re past your prime? Do you have a chance against younger foreign men who might also be wooing single Filipinas?

On the other hand, family members might wish for you to settle down every time you see them. While you know you should take things slow, your inner voice tells you you’re a failure for still not achieving your dream of finding the love of your life.

8. Past Relationship Baggage

If you’re a divorcee, you might be struggling with the prospect of dating again, especially a woman of a different race.

You might be carrying baggage from your past marriage, affecting how you look at yourself and your chances of finding love again.

A Filipina can feel the same way. While divorce is illegal in the Philippines, she might have gone through several failed relationships, making her question if it’s worth taking a chance with you.

Navigating Philippine Realities

Will the challenging Philippine realities break you apart before you even enter a relationship, or will they strengthen you?

Lean towards the latter by preparing yourself to navigate the realities of dating in the Philippines.

1. Showing Respect

What’s your initial response when you encounter someone with different values and beliefs from you? Do you explain why yours is the right one and should be the standard?

If so, you might want to change your mindset and behavior.

Neither you nor your date have to be right or wrong. There is always the option to compromise. But more than that, you should show respect.

Respect presupposes love. Without it, there is no love at all.

You can disagree with your date and explain your perspective. However, also understand and embrace her uniqueness.

2. Practicing Understanding

You don’t have to comprehend every detail about your Filipina date. A person has many layers, so they will always transcend our grasp.

However, be attentive to her words, feelings, and actions. Also, learn about her culture, national history, and personal background—factors that shaped her into who she is now.

3. Appreciating Her Beauty

As mentioned, social expectations can cause Filipinas to be sensitive about their physical appearance.

So, encourage her to be comfortable in her skin by complimenting her natural beauty. Don’t compare her with others. Instead, appreciate her for who she is.

Also, recognize her inner beauty. Affirm her excellent qualities as a person and as a woman. Thank her for her thoughtfulness, care, and gentleness. Let her know how much you admire her.

4. Taking Responsibility

Oxfam Philippines conducted an action research involving 232 respondents. Their findings suggest that people still believe in traditional gender roles. They expect women to care for the household and men to be the leaders and primary breadwinners.

That said, Filipinas look for men who will dedicate themselves to their role. They also seek men who know how to be responsible for their actions, accept their mistakes and weaknesses, and are willing to work on themselves.

Life and relationships are a work in progress; be ready to accept that challenge.

5. Being Affectionate

Actively show your love through your words and gestures.

Learn your Filipina date’s love languages. If they differ from yours, be creative and find other ways to express affection.

For example, since Philippine culture is conservative, Filipinas are not usually keen on engaging in physical affection. Instead of showing love through touch, give her gifts, write her a letter, listen to her stories, or simply be there for her.

6. Getting to Know Her Family

The Philippines reality of a foreigner dating a Filipina is that her family will always try to involve themselves in your affairs.

Instead of considering this a nuisance, understand their value as a support system. Get to know her parents, siblings, and even cousins, and integrate yourself into their family dynamics.

7. Communicating

Your different languages can pose communication gaps.

Make an extra effort to be attentive and patient with each other. Listen well to what your date’s trying to say.

Filipinas tend to communicate indirectly. Consider their facial expressions, mood, and other non-verbal cues. If you’re confused, ask for clarification.

Set Your Expectations

Let’s say you’re diving into a pool. You don’t just jump in without knowing the details that could affect your performance. You would want to know how deep the water is and whether people or objects are blocking your landing spot.

Similarly, you would want to know what life is like with a Filipina before entering a relationship or even dating one. This is where the importance of researching Philippine realities comes in.

Fortunately, this guide covers the basics of what you should know. While everyone’s reality is unique, this helps you set expectations for when you take on reality in the Philippines.